It's 4 in the morning I'm yawning but oh not for long
'Cos I'm up I'm awake and I've made no mistakes
The mince pies and carrots are gone
So I jump out of bed happy Rudolf's been fed
And I scurry my way to the door
No nothing's a-miss and my memorised list
Seems to ooze out of every pore

It says: "Oh Dear Santa Claus, I'll start with the don't not the do's
Keep your Gloworms, your Slinkys
Your Etch-a-sketch and your Rubix cubes..
I'm too old for The Smurfs and give Teddybear Ruckspin a miss
And though once it was nice please no more Fisherprice
And Carebears you're taking the piss"

CHORUS:
But it's Christmas time, mistletoe and mulled wine
It's Christmas time and we're all doing fine
And it's Christmas time, mistletoe and mulled wine
It's Christmas time and we're all doing fine

Now that I'm older it's GI Joe Soldiers for me
Or please anything M.A.S.K., Skelator, Battlecat
You know everyone loves MR T
A Nintendo, a Sega, a working Light Saber
To tear my big brother apart
Maybe then I'll be king of our wrestling ring
And come first place on Mario Kart

"Oh Dear Santa Claus, you're fat and you're lazy I swear
Better pick up your game y'know last year was lame
A sad sorry state of affairs
Bring me Optimus Prime bring what's rightfully mine
Bring me hero's in half shells and more
I need that Thundercat cave and the Hitman Harts shade
A skateboard I just need it all

CHORUS:
But it's Christmas time, mistletoe and mulled wine
It's Christmas time and we're all doing fine
And it's Christmas time, mistletoe and mulled wine
It's Christmas time and we're all doing fine

So I suck up the nerves take a deep breath and open the door
Step over the dog with a quick knowing nod
And tiptoe my way down the hall..
Well my bro's still asleep, he's a shmuck
Well I'll get me my present by hook or by crook
And I can't help but smile, as I race to the pile
And reach out my hands take a look...

...it's a Fucking book

Oh just my luck. A Book! A book..
What the fuck?

CHORUS:
But it's Christmas time, mistletoe and mulled wine
It's Christmas time and we're all doing fine
And it's Christmas time, mistletoe and mulled wine
It's Christmas time and we're all doing fine